Don't Punish Meltdowns!
Often we want to punish "bad" behavior, since this is a time told way
of teaching discipline. However, when the child is overloaded and
melting down their judgement and reasoning and cognitive coping skills
crumble. Their brain is in panic, "fight
or flight". In times like these the child needs understanding,
acceptance, and the opportunity to pull back, escape, and rebound. We
also need to recognize that at the moment the demands of the situation
outway the child's current abilities to handle them.
This
does not mean that we allow the child's autism to excuse his behavior.
The autism may explain, but should not excuse his behavior. However,
the consequence should be pull away, regroup, then come back and repair
the damage. To decrease meltdowns we need to reduce the stressors and
teach the child "how" we want the child to "behave" (cope) with the
stress before reaching overload. Then we can practice the coping skill,
cue them to use it when first getting upset, and reinforce them heavily
for using it during times of stress.
Consequences (punishment) works if (1) the child has control over his
behavior,(2) knows how he should act instead, and (3) makes the choice
to act badly even though he knows how to act otherwise. If the child is
overwhelmed to the point of activating
his "fight or flight" response, his coping skills will fall apart and he
will act to escape or avoid the stressful situation. Once the stress
chemicals reach boiling point, the child will act in a way to (1) escape
the stress and (2) release the stress chemicals. New learning cannot
take place in situations of overload. We need to (1) reduce the demands
that produce overload, (2) teach better coping skills to deal with the
stress, and (3) teach another way of responding once overload occurs.
This cannot be taught during the meltdown, but practiced and role played
when not stressed.
It is important that we do not punish
meltdowns. If the child loses control, scolding, counseling, or
threatening only makes things worse. It is best to focus on the
"feelings" behind the behavior and not the behavior itself. Acknowledge
and validate that he is upset, and that you will keep him safe. You can
set boundaries and consequences for behavior, but at the moment of
impact, focus on acknowledging and validating the feelings, removing all
demands and stimulation, and helping the child feel "safe" until it is
over with.
